HeartMath Corner
Summer Vacation Stress – How to Beat It
Some dream of spending their days in sparkling water and of evening walks on the beach. Others anticipate the sights and sounds of a city, with great restaurants and art. Whether they plan to go away or stay at home, most hope for freedom from the “daily grind” and time for pleasure and relaxation.
Yet few vacations are devoid of stress. Arguments, fatigue and resentment can take a bite out of happy days and cast a shadow on the days that remain. The following questions can help you get a handle on vacation stress.
1. Are you being realistic in your planning? Talk with fellow travelers in advance about what each expects in terms of activities and rest time, then plan accordingly. Children aren’t the only ones who need to unwind between stimulating activities – adults need to as well.
2. Do you have “unscheduled time” in your schedule? Unscheduled time gives family members a chance to kick back and just do what they want to for a little while. Alone time is also important for some. It’s an opportunity to build a deeper connection with yourself.
3. Have you discussed finances? Most vacations involve lots of choices to make about spending money. Getting clear on your budget in advance and letting children know spending guidelines can take the anxiety out of this issue.
4. Are you communicating? Increased contact with family members during a vacation can bring conflict to the foreground. Someone may feel he is not getting to do what he really wants to do, while others need to learn to compromise or let another lead from time to time. Honest communication and sincere listening can result in real understanding of each others’ needs and solutions that bring more balance to the situation.
5. Bored in the car or plane? It’s a great time to talk about something you appreciate in each of your traveling companions. A simple activity you can do with your children is to take turns and have each person you’re traveling with share what they appreciate about someone from your group. Try to keep the tone of this activity fun but sincere. Sometimes it might be best for a parent to begin by sharing their genuine appreciation for one of the children so they can get a better feel for of the concept. This exercise can be fun and gives everyone a chance to express something positive about someone else that they may not have otherwise had an opportunity to share.
An excellent resource for parents is Teaching Children to Love: 80 Games and Fun Activities for Raising Balanced Children in Unbalanced Times, by Doc Childre. This book is chock-full of activities that support heart-based values like gratitude and appreciation. You can purchase the e-book at www.heartmath.org
Teaching Children to Give
In addition to asking children what they want for Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, try asking, “What do you want to give?” Holiday gift giving can be a good opportunity and first step in teaching children to give of themselves.
Help them explore ideas on what they can give to grandparents, sisters, brothers, or the other parent – something they can make or can afford to purchase. Talk about how simple things can make great gifts, a special jar of jam or a picture they drew, for instance. Emphasize that it’s the care that goes into gift giving, rather than the cost of the gift that’s important. The care in noticing what another person might like or dislike, choosing a simple gift (or making one), and presenting it from the heart, makes all the difference.
Once decisions are made, check in with your children on how they’re doing – either in creating a homemade gift or in shopping. Just as adults do, children can become overly concerned about whether their gift will be the right one, and then become frustrated. On the other hand, they may not be able to find or create the gift they’d imagined. If a gift idea needs re-thinking, that’s OK, but in your conversation with the child, put the emphasis on “the spirit of giving” rather than coming up with the perfect gift. Help your children, but it’s best not to make or buy the gifts they will give. That robs them of the experience of giving.
Your own attitude about giving and your example will do more than anything else to help your children become the type of people you hope they will become. It’s up to you to create an emphasis in your family on giving to those less fortunate. You might invite someone who’s alone to a holiday meal, create a food basket for a hungry family, or give gifts to needy children, anonymously through a local gift drive. Whatever you choose, make it a family project and an opportunity for your children to give up something for others, whether it’s time or a bit of money. Encourage older children to spend an hour with a grandparent or friend of the family who’s alone. Your enthusiasm and care will be infectious and help your children discover the true joy of giving.
Don’t stop after the holidays are over. People continue to be hungry or in need of companionship as time goes by. Show children that a generous heart is important all year round. This will help your children develop a thoughtful perspective about their place in the world and cultivate solid values.
Copyright © 2004 HeartMath. Since 1991 HeartMath has been dedicated to decoding the underlying mechanics of stress. HeartMath is internationally recognized for their solutions to transform the stress of change and uncertainty, and bring coherence and renewed energy into people’s lives. HeartMath Inc. is a cutting-edge performance company providing a range of unique services, products, and technology to improve health and well-being, while dramatically reducing stress and boosting performance and productivity. For more than 20 years HeartMath and its sister nonprofit research organization, the Institute of HeartMath, have demonstrated through clinical studies the critical link between emotions, heart function, and cognitive performance. The HeartMath System is an ecosystem of compelling solutions for stress relief have been published in numerous peer-reviewed journals, such as such as American Journal of Cardiology, Stress Medicine, and Preventive Cardiology. HeartMath organizational clients include Duke Medicine, Stanford Business School, Stanford Hospital, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Sutter Health, the Gottman Institute, Scripps Center for Integrative Medicine, Kaiser Permanente, Cisco Systems, and Boeing. Dozens of school systems and thousands of health professionals around the world are also utilizing these solutions for stress and overwhelm.