Loving Men: the Up and Down of It
By Julia Griffin
"Unite together the power of things inferior and superior; thus you will possess the light of the whole world."
— Blavatsky's interpretation, The Emerald Tablet
Men and women are two expressions of the same energy. Loving duality is the first step to resolving it. True awareness begins with understanding the flow of energy between men and women.
The Earth receives energy from the Universe as light, sound and motion. These impersonal forces translate into the 5 elements — fire, water, air, earth and akasha — in our sphere. The elements flow into the grids or forms of all living things. Two of the elements — fire and air — are masculine. Two of the elements — water and earth — are feminine. As the energy flows into elements, it takes expression as male or female.
Our planet is an expression of duality or polarity, so everything on this planet is an expression (and mixture) of masculine and feminine elements. We are all a mixture of the elements, and, while we have female and male components, we are predominantly either male or female. Everything in the material world has form, shape, size, and measure. This is determined by the speed of vibration of particles, giving the illusion of appearance and sensation.
This expression of energy is personal; it is read by the senses. Sensation is determined by two forces, the body and the spirit. The flow of elements has two cycles, one destructive and one constructive. The ego represents the destructive cycle; the soul represents the constructive cycle. The True Self is the observer who merges the two flows into a mysterious third thing, known as enlightenment.
The male/female relationship is about resolution of duality. It allows us to see our ego and soul patterns. Notice the similarity of the energy flow between men and women, the Universe and the Earth. The synergistic energy created in any relationship is received into the Universe, and it flows back to the woman who gives it personal expression through her thoughts and emotions that create pictures or holograms. She acts as creator by giving it form through energetic input, just as the Earth does with universal energy.
The thoughts are transmitted to the male. He colors the thoughts with his own vibrations, thoughts and emotions. He also begins to put the thought into form. As he puts it into form, he transmits the energetic pictures back to the woman. The man and woman, then, experience the form that relays every particle of energy to both of them
The form of their energy represents their mutual thoughts, feelings, emotions, and belief systems, as well as reflecting the aspirations of the soul and the subconscious patterns of the ego. The flow of elements can then become destructive or constructive, a process that is dependent on consciousness. Men and women create through conscious thought which travels through the 5th element or Akasha.
The Akasha is in everything; it has omnipresence. Akasha connects everything. It is the energy that is shaped; it is also a conductor of energy. It transmits energy. A relationship is created through thought forms, carried by the Akasha. Thought forms rest on three things: strong emotional experiences (the script) between the ages of 0—30 that create belief systems; expectations based on the script; and aspirations of the soul.
Recognition of the script and negative expectations are experienced in a relationship to cause awakening. No one could ever become aware of these two things without a relationship, a person to reflect these feelings. The aspiration of the soul is the expression of positive creation with another human being. Balance is created through transmutation through divine love.
Balance creates union between duality, opening doorways for conscious creation. When fire and water come together, they can make steam, a substance used practically for propulsion, locomotion and warmth. The bonding of a man and woman, in love, has the same potential for power, force and creation.
Note: The female ray was anchored on the Earth in 2003; the male ray in 2004. The presence of both rays may revolutionize male/female relationships, hopefully increasing awareness of the tremendous, united force of man and woman. A potential for shared power may be possible.
Imagine that you are traveling down a long highway toward an unknown destination. The buttons on your radio are not set for this place, so you turn the dial. The dial picks up two radio stations simultaneously. Turning the dial won't separate the frequencies nor will it bring in either station separately. You stop the car and tie a piece of aluminum foil on to the antenna with wire. Now the radio station picks up perfectly. You can choose a broadcast.
The frequency of men and women is like listening to two broadcasts at once. You can't always hear either of them clearly. Men and women have slightly different frequencies, and there are also cultural differences. Good communication occurs when you understand how the other person feels and what s/he wants. Sometimes, you need to tune in to his frequency by changing the pattern of your words, and, other times, you may need to extend your radio's antenna by widening your perceptions.
Men and women have been culturally programmed to respond to one another in ways that don't work. My reflections may sound Victorian, but they do work. These techniques will only work on someone that you love. It's too much trouble — you'll never do it for someone that you don't care about.
Men and women seek the same qualities in a relationship: admiration, respect, acknowledgement and love, but with slightly different interpretations. Women like to identify with terms such as "pretty, smart, nice, loving and sexual". Positive male adjectives might include "strong, successful, virile and intelligent".
Success and strength in the outer, physical world are essential to a man. Men want to be strong, to be present for you. Listen and ask questions when he speaks about his career. He needs reassurance about his strength and his ability to act assertively.
Men want smart, strong and powerful women, but he wants to appear "in charge" externally so that he can feel powerful. When you are together in the outer world, let the man make decisions. Your strong opinions are valued in private because he needs your input. (Don't compromise your inner self. Do let go of small issues.)
He also tries to be sensitive, a difficult task since he is not sure how a woman feels. Sensitivity means being aware of your true needs; it doesn't mean giving into demands. If he gives into unreasonable demands, then he becomes weak. This is a subtle distinction. Let him know when he pleases you; otherwise, he thinks that he has failed.
Friendship is based on understanding his background, beliefs and feelings, as well as honesty and truth. This is compassion.
Expression differs between the sexes. Feelings, such as love, affection, or sadness, are more easily expressed by women. Men tend to hide their feelings, often withdrawing when they feel strong emotion, with the exception of aggression. Both sexes have difficulty expressing their feelings so that other understands.
By nature, women try to "fix" men by enumerating their mistakes, rather than focusing on their strengths. By communicating through these strategies, a man can hear you more easily.
- Pay attention to him. Listen to him when he is speaking. He is saying how he feels by relating what happened. If he is angry, then acknowledge it. Encourage him to express his emotions.
- Be patient and receptive by listening to the story. Give input when possible.
- When a man is expressing deep emotion, be present for him. Truly listen from your heart. Express insights after he speaks. Don't interrupt.
- Say: I have some thoughts about what you are saying. Are you interested or would you prefer that I listen? Ask how he felt when the event or conflict occurred.
- If his behavior has changed positively, then compliment him precisely and focus on the improvement.
Talk about his success. Ask for details. Enumerate his right actions.
- Uphold your boundaries. Don't talk about them. Let him know what behaviors are/aren't permissible. Leave if it is very important. Don't argue or explain.
- Try to see patterns in arguments, without hurting or blaming. Realize both of you are part of the equation. Look at arguments as learning experiences or an opportunity to see your underlying pattern. What would you experience in the relationship if the pattern disappeared entirely? All disagreements in a serious relationship are about fear of intimacy. What are your fears?
- Energy is sent when one person thinks of another. For this reason, it is best not to talk with your friends or family. Talking about disagreements amplifies negative energy, creating more of what you don't want. Remember the first rule of energy: wherever attention goes, energy goes. This creates more of whatever it is, in this case — negativity.
Don't make a mental list what he does wrong or why you may not want to see him.
- Write down what you want to say him. Imagine that he calls, and you make up. See his phone number on caller ID. When he calls, say, "I missed you. I'm glad you called." Don't say, "Why haven't you called me?"
- Say: "This is my perception. I'm not saying that it is you. It may be me, but I feel sad (angry, hurt, etc) when this happens. Can you help with this?" Don't say the same words over and over. Stop talking. Listen to him and think it through later. Remember how glad you are to hear his voice.
- Emotions have an ebb and flow. Try to express your feelings without dramatic emotion, neediness or ultimatums.
- Admit your part in an argument. Say: "I'm sorry if I hurt you." Don't justify or explain. He doesn't care why you said it. It will be obvious if his feelings are hurt because he will withdraw.
- Try to remember what he does correctly. Imagine everything working out. Remember that he loves you.
- Create a mental image of what you love about him. Send pink light. All men respond to this.
Remember how much you love him. Be glad when you see him.
"See now that all of the dark memories of the past have vanished as the mist before the sun." — unknown
There is divinity in him, a part of him that loves and wants the best for you. It is easy to forget this as you travel through the ups and downs of the sine wave of love. Every time you remember, with love, he will almost instantly respond. The way of returning to love is by remembering the beautiful part of him, while forgetting the personality or imperfection. Remember that personalities are just that — a personality -- an outer layer or projection of the ego. The ego hides the vulnerable parts of the self, acting out patterns of the past.
The best way to begin is by taking responsibility. Accept that talking never resolves arguments, but sending harmonious pictures through the akasha does. If his actions are a reflection of your thoughts, then it is necessary to change the focus of your thoughts. Your inner holograms are translated to him in each second — they travel through light waves to him. Your inner thoughts are louder than any words that you speak.
What do you do with another human being who is stuck in ego? You love his flaws, without expecting change. You can expand your awareness by seeing your own patterns as part of his reactions. Any pain experienced in a previous relationship acts as a magnet for hurt in the present relationship.
Negative thoughts, feelings and actions can only occur when you are in the ego. No one really wants to be in the ego because it is an expression of duality. When you are lost in duality, then it is impossible to see it. If you are lost in duality, then so is he.
Everyone experiences their ego daily. Forgive yourself and the other person when this occurs. Conflict in a relationship happens because of duality; it is the only way the Universe can show us where we are stuck in ego or past patterns.
Duality is only resolved through love. When you send love to the other person, you send it not only to him, but also to yourself. If you send negative images, then it works in the same manner. The negativity will only return to you. Fortunately, positive thoughts vibrate at a higher frequency, and one very positive thought can cancel hundreds of negative ones.
It is essential to understand that energy grows from focus of attention. Wherever you focus attention, you create more of whatever it is. (For example, if you focus on being hurt, you will experience more of it. If you focus on being loved, you will receive more of loving energy.) If you focus on soul qualities, you receive positive interaction. If you pay attention to what is good in a person, then it grows naturally, just like a plant that is watered and tended. It is only a matter of time before the plant blooms.
A loving relationship is created from a place of love, by sending thoughts of love Begin with a powerful message: "I love you just as you are". See the other person's flaws and imagine sending a wave of pink light to him.
Make a picture of him in your mind. Start with his body, his smell, and his hands. Think about how he shows loving emotion toward you, what he does for you, how he speaks or walks. Listen to his voice in your mind, and see his eyes when he expresses love for you.
As everyone awakens, s/he remembers her/his Soul. Divinity lies under the personality, eventually becoming an expression of light. As the expression of light grows, the ego begins to melt into union with the Soul. This underlying presence is called the Divine Blueprint; it is the voice of the soul. Focus on his soul, his strengths, and his inner beauty. Ask to see this Inner Presence. Feel it and thank him energetically for sharing with you.
Energy spins in every particle of your and his beings. Light lies underneath the matrix of Being; this is the raw power, the True Self, which aligns with a greater light or divinity. If you focus on sending light, high thoughts and emotions of love and appreciation, then both of you can move more closely into a higher state of Being or awakening.
As awakening or enlightenment deepens, (for it is a process), you begin to see more of the good in one another. Awakening brings appreciation and focus on the heart of others. Your actions and thoughts begin to complement one another. Desires, such as winning love, focusing on hurts or trying to hurt the other, fall away with other patterns of the ego, based on past lives, bringing recognition and knowledge of their value. The need for self-protection and distancing from vulnerability begins to fade.
True dreaming begins in this place. The power of two opposites or polarities is much stronger than one force. Dreams begin to merge. Cognition and intuition about the other person grows. Powers are shared, and the need to control lessens.
This is the place of Love. Bliss exudes from it, like the fragrance of a flower. The Divine Blueprint is awakened, flowing with light toward all.
Julia Griffin is an intuitive healer (and writer) who has successfully changed the lives of hundreds of people by helping them awaken their potential to create happiness, abundance, health and positive relationships. Julia's intuitive ability to see areas of energy (a person's thoughts, feelings, words, and soul) allows her to see existing belief patterns in the body or mind and heal them. Her exercises, meditations, and classes are based on the discovery of the "true self", the part of ourselves which is astonishingly beautiful, powerful and capable. She is currently creating CDs to positively change patterns in relationships, career and the physical body. To view articles, exercises and ideas, visit her website, www.onetrueself.com or for more information.
Julia Griffin PO Box 366, Clermont, Georgia 30527
Telephone: 770.983.1958
Email: info@onetrueself.com
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